


Can't Let Go

by grandmelon



Series: A Life Worth Living [4]
Category: Free!
Genre: An explination for Sousuke's end scenes in Eternal Summer, Canon Compliant, Friendship/Love, M/M, Two Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-03
Updated: 2015-02-03
Packaged: 2018-03-10 08:43:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,257
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3284135
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grandmelon/pseuds/grandmelon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I’ll be waiting for you,” he said louder, lifting his head to meet Sousuke’s gaze. “I’ll be waiting for you to come back.” </p><p>Sousuke’s entire body opened up in surprise by those words. He felt his own hope swelling in his chest, but tried to quell it just as quickly as it sprang up. He wanted to make Rin happy, but really what hope was there? And did he even want to go that far for a dream he already accepted as over?</p><p>“It figures… That’s just what you would say,” he breathed, a grin on his lips.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Dream

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't written anything in so long and it's so depressing! I was on such a role but between the flu and family matters I got really behind. I've been sitting on this for a bit, but I decided I like it well enough so I'm going to just post it. I just wanted to give some explanations behind Sousuke's BS ending in Eternal Summer. This kid deserved better.

Six months. It had been six grueling months of rehabilitation and taking extra good care of his health, but he was finally ready. Well, the doctor said he was ready but Sousuke wasn’t so sure. He had mixed feelings about returning to swimming after his six month long ban. He had already been taken off the team’s roster, only a member in name. There was no guarantee he could make a comeback, and in a way Sousuke wondered if he didn’t feel like that was a blessing in itself.

 

Rin settled things with the teachers, using the doctor’s note of official approval and his title as captain to allow Sousuke access to the pool after practice hours, but Sousuke felt an inexplicable amount of guilt because of it. He couldn’t quite place why, but he felt as though he was cheating Rin somehow. He felt as though he was ruining something for him.

 

The first few times in the pool went alright. He didn’t go fast, just getting his shoulder to accept the rotation of the front crawl. It was easier on him than he had originally thought. At first his speed was leisurely, but as his practices continued he experimented with going at faster paces. He even tried butterfly, and was successful without much strain, though he couldn’t get himself out of the water to the same extent. Dull aches always stopped him from continuing, even if the ache to race Rin was stronger.

 

Rin always accompanied him when he was swimming, and they spent most of their time enjoying it together. It was uncomfortable at first, in the same way new experiences often are. New and unusual, but not entirely unpleasant. It was odd swimming to enjoy each other’s company without making it a competition, but Sousuke found that he liked it a lot. It felt surreal. It felt like Sousuke really didn’t need to be a competitor to gain Rin’s attention.

 

Since the start of their relationship Sousuke found himself at the center of Rin’s attention multiple times. It left a tingling sensation in his finger tips and the back of his neck, sometimes it’d even make him shiver. He could get Rin’s attention without prompt or reason, without any conscious effort on his part. It was such a surprisingly new sensation he couldn’t but help to be giddy and excited by it.

 

However, the more they swam together the more Sousuke wished back for some of his ability to pass out of Rin’s thoughts. His best friend had always worn his heart on his sleeve, but that hardly made him transparent. You could read him like a good book, even if it was clear what it meant you’d always miss something else. You could reread him again and again and always find something new, something you didn’t catch before. But there was no missing the underlining look of pain and longing. Rin liked swimming with him, he knew this, but he liked it too much. It was clearest when Sousuke attempted swimming at his original pace.

 

A sinking feeling settled in his stomach every time he thought about it. He wanted Rin to let go, he wanted Rin to feel how he felt about it. The pain of no longer being on the Olympian track didn’t hurt the way he thought it would. It was an out of body pain, something separate him. He could get over it.

 

Still, no words were said about the subject and like that they passed the rest of their high school days. As time went on Sousuke found the feeling of anxiety caused by Rin’s worries outweighing the anxiety of his uncertain future. Between the two Sousuke’s stomach was a gross mess and his appetite halved. Food didn’t taste like much more than a burden when his stomach was too focused on what might happen. Too busy worrying on what Rin might say or do.

 

His suspicions became reality after their last swim practice. Rin had offered Sousuke time to swim once more before the third years officially retired, but he declined, though he did go back to gaze out at the pool he spent a year enjoying. A year with Rin. It was one of the happiest years of his life, if he was to be honest. His reminiscing was cut short when he remembered that he had to return to Rin’s side before he was done talking to the couch, but he beat him to it.

 

There he was, standing in front of him in all of his young beauty and awkwardness. His eyes focused on Sousuke intently before falling to the tiled floor, holding back something, something he’s been meaning to say. He was surprised to see Rin standing there at the exit, but to say he wasn’t expecting it would be only a half-truth.

 

“Rin.”

 

“Who says your shoulder can’t be healed?” His voice was barely above a whisper, but carried well in the empty room. Sousuke felt himself shake from the inside out, anxiety growing.

 

“Huh?”

 

“So what if it’s wrecked? Don’t crush your own potential before you even try.” Rin frowned, fist tightening. Sousuke felt a breath leave him. He knew it. Rin couldn’t let go of that hope, that dream, and swimming together had only nurtured its growth.

 

“I’ll be waiting for you,” he said louder, lifting his head to meet Sousuke’s gaze. “I’ll be waiting for you to come back.”

 

Sousuke’s entire body opened up in surprise by those words. He felt his own hope swelling in his chest, but tried to quell it just as quickly as it sprang up. He wanted to make Rin happy, but really what hope was there? And did he even want to go that far for a dream he already accepted as over?

 

“It figures… That’s just what you would say,” he breathed, a grin on his lips. He looked up out the large glass windows. Purple and orange clouds decorated the evening sky. Absently he wondered if Rin would hate him for making another decision solely based on what he thought would make Rin happiest.

 

“Well, I’ll give it some thought.”


	2. A Lonely Sunset

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A sunset is a perfect time to think about one's life choices.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! I hope you liked it! It was a lot of fun to write, even though it was a bit emotional. The next thing I write will have to be pure fluff because I can't deal with even the smallest angst, it's awful lol. I'm so weak to their pain. 
> 
> If I made any glaring errors or mistakes please tell me so I can fix them :)

“What am I doing?” Sousuke questioned the setting sun.

 

The pier was empty. Bright yellows and oranges spread across the sky, deepening into dark purples and blues. Purples and pinks were the colors of the clouds. It was beautiful, and dramatic, and the perfect setting to wonder what on earth he was doing with his life.

 

The air was chilly, and the sea breeze blew its icy hands against his face. The wind stung his cheeks in a way that was awfully reminiscent of the dulling sting he felt from being slapped by his mother. He remembered her wild eyes of anger, frustrated tears pouring out the sides but not obscuring her vision. Her teeth were bared at him, disgust scrunching her nose. His father had been shocked still, face paler than any snow and posture more rigid than the rules he lived by. He knew that it was a bad idea to bring Rin along, but his beautiful friend would not listen to his warnings. His mother was more insulted than anything else, as if Sousuke’s love for Rin was a direct blow to her pride.

 

Rin had been calm the entire time, facing each brutal spit of words thrown at them, but Sousuke had felt how his hands had chilled and began to sweat. He rubbed his own hand against his pant leg just thinking about its uncomfortable and distressing texture. He had listened to Sousuke when he asked him to not say a word to his parents. Honored the promise that if he wanted to be there then he’d just have to be silent.

 

His mother was a raging beast, breaking photos of Sousuke she had displayed in their living room, cursing him when he would not change his decision. She had slapped him with as much force as her small frame could allow, and the heat of it was sweltering. Though small, she did create a good sized bruise under the irritated flesh of his cheek. He let her do as much, but when he saw her infuriated form go to attack Rin he had grabbed her arm with such a tight grip she cried out in pain. Purpling bruises had come to the surface of her skin in a matter of seconds.

 

He found that more disturbing than any words or actions that had happened that day.

 

Not even the knowledge that all evidence of his existence that was left in that house was erased. The only things he had managed to save were things that were in his possession before their fight. He had also managed to secure his birth certificate, despite it being among her many files. He was only able to save one baby photo, one of the ones she had on the wall before the fight. All of the family albums had been packed away in boxes in their locked attic. The neurotic woman made sure to let him know that she never had a son like him, and all of those photos would be burned.

 

He couldn’t forget Rin’s tears when they left.

 

However crazy things had ended, his parents acted as he had suspected they would after the damage was done. The old woman who was a part of his mother’s club saw him working at the grocery store and congratulated on his studying abroad. The woman who was their neighbor also congratulated him and asked what he was studying. He lied and told her he’d be going to school to take sports coaching classes, filling in her pointed questions with answers that were not his. He gave away Rin’s answers to satisfy their curiosity.

 

Even if his parents caused him grief, he didn’t want to cause them more trouble than he already had.

 

A choked breath fell out of his mouth as he thought about it all.

 

Why was he still protecting them? Why couldn’t they accept him like how Rin’s mom accepted them? How far could he go with this? Could he and Rin really last? Would they still stay by them if they don’t? Would it have been better to have just been complacent with a life decided by his mother and father, so that he’d at least have them by his side?

 

Would still having them in his life be worth not being his true self?

 

He knew the answers. They were simple answers that didn’t take much thought. For the most part he was genuinely okay with being disowned by them. He wasn’t lying when he said that they weren’t real parents to him. But they were his parents, and sometimes he caught himself making up happiness where happiness didn’t exist. Cherishing a past that was fabricated, a past that only seemed happy in front of other people. He didn’t even notice that his only happy family memories happened in public, in front of people and away from the privacy of their own home. His home life had always been cold and stiff.

 

Still, even if breaking it off with his parents was inevitable if he was to be true to himself, was Australia really the way to go? He only knew the bare minimum of English, even with all of Rin’s training he doubted he’d do well in an English speaking country, and he was just a kid. He had no skillsets he could use to find a job, nothing to put on a resume besides his swimming career.

 

He laughed at the absurdity of it. Going on some wild crazy adventure with Rin in a country he had never been to with a language he barely understood? If he was being honest, he’d probably follow him to hell and back if he asked. His thoughts were cut short by the shrill ring of his cellphone. He glanced down at the caller ID before he planned on putting it on silent. He stopped himself when he saw the digital image of his favorite goofy smile staring back up at him.

 

“Hello?” Sousuke answered the buzzing device, a grin finding its way to his lips.

 

“Where are you? I just got back and you’re not even home!” Irritated grumbling came over the receiver and Sousuke laughed at the pleasantly familiar sounds.

 

“I’m coming home now, don’t worry.”

 

“Well I am worried,” the voice huffed. “Do you know how late it is? God Sousuke, get lost or something?”

 

“Nope, just contemplating my existence,” he chuckled. He took one last glance at the horizon before turning back onto his path home. His home. His home with Rin and the Matsuoka women. His home with his new family.

 

“Well stop taking so long,” he grumbled. Sousuke almost snorted at the pout in his voice. “What did you come up with?”

 

Sousuke shrugged his bag higher up on his shoulder and sighed, brow relaxing under the concerned voice of his closest friend and love.

 

“That I’m crazy in love with you.”

 

His boyfriend sputtered on the line and hung up without another word. As Sousuke went to pocket his phone a soft ding made him pause. He looked down at the text and bit his lip, a gentle sigh escaping him. He breathed in more cold air and hurried on his way back, grinning from ear to ear and feeling like everything would work out somehow.

 

_“I’m crazy in love with you too idiot, so come home already!”_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As a side note I'd just like to say that I totally picture Rin being the type to write everything out all "proper" in texts because he's got autocorrect anyhow, and Sousuke just writes back in really bad text talk Just to piss Rin off. They're total dweebs~


End file.
